Spontaneity Knows No Boundaries
by Spunky Mutt
Summary: Those who appreciate the random and spontaneous as I do, may like this story. Our favorite team is bored out of their minds with nothing to do, but all of that is about to change when they recieve a visit from a few psychotic teenagers. Will they make it?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **After reading God knows how many Starfox parodies on this site, I got this idea for a fanfiction. Now don't get me wrong; I would love to **finally** update The Last Dragon, but due to technical difficulties, I'm unable to at the moment. So for now, all I have is utter randomness manifested into a story starring yours truly, my good friend LilixPrismAngel, and two other friends who don't have Fanficition accounts. This is my first attempt at a comedy fanfic, so I hope I didn't completely and utterly screw it up. If I happened to, please be nice about it. I beg of you. As always, flamers will be laughed at and ignored unless there is actual valid constructive criticism somewhere in the review. With that out of the way, enjoy!

* * *

Enter the Great Fox

The Great Fox drifted gracefully through empty space. Why? Because it's almost always in space, and it would be a violation of the system, which all of those with OCD have created, to break tradition. It was a lazy day for the elite Starfox Team, having no work to complete, no special task to be accomplished, and worse yet no pay.

Everyone was in the recreation center in attempts to relieve the grueling boredom that loomed over the ship like a dark storm cloud. Fox and Falco sat on a burgundy, leather sofa playing a "friendly" game of Super Smash Bros. Melee. Slippy sat on the cheap, blue carpet watching them mutter death threats to each other with each knockout they received. He wasn't allowed to play on any type of electronic gaming device due to an event involving evil robot garden gnomes. Krystal sat on a recliner of the same burgundy leather reading a black, hardcover book with the title Fake, British Accents and You.

Fox, an expression of slight irritation and great confusion etched into his face, paused their game and rose from his seat. Falco stared up at him, equally confused.

"What gives, Fox? I was owning you." He asked.

This only earned a waving of the hand from his leader in order to try and shush him.

"Can you hear that?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

Falco quieted down and listened intently. "Hear what? It's quiet." He asked perplexed.

"That," The vulpine answered. "Someone's narrating us."

Slippy finally piped up. "So that wasn't the TV talking to me? And here I thought I was going crazy!" He exclaimed relieved in the annoying, squeaky voice Starfox fanatics worldwide have screamed bloody murder and hidden in dark corners, rocking back and forth in the fetal position whilst muttering about helium addicted frogs upon hearing it.

The other two stared back at him for a few seconds disturbed.

"Welcome back to the Great Fox, Slippy! We've missed you! How was your trip?" Falco finally asked sarcastically.

The lime green toad scowled at this remark.

Fox smirked at this. "Why are we so cruel to Slippy?" he asked more to himself.

"Because the author hates him, and she likes to make fun of him." Falco answered as if everyone knew that.

"Who said I hated Slippy?" the author asked with a nervous chuckle.

As if on cue, the blue falcon pulled out a spontaneously appearing tape recorder from nowhere in particular and pressed play.

"Note to self: I hate Slippy. He serves no real use in Starfox, and I thought he was a girl in Starfox 64." It buzzed out.

Shadow's eyes widened frantically. "Where did you get that!?" she asked shocked.

The avian blinked for a few moments, looking down at the recording device in his hand. "I don't really know." He answered mystified.

Suddenly, the author appeared through a random portal, becoming a white wolf with black ears, forearms, calves, and the tip of the tail. Her eyes were a sharp violet with serpentine pupils. Black dragon horns emerged from brown hair, cut short just above the bottom of the neck, filling the space in between her ears; black dragon wings sprouted from her back and folded neatly. She wore a black Star Trek t-shirt featuring all of the villains from the original series and a man in a red shirt running from them; text at the bottom in the official Star Trek font read "Rule #1: If you're wearing a red shirt…RUN!!!". Dark navy blue jeans and black sneakers covered the rest of her. Her only jewelry was a black wire choker with beaded loops at the front, a silver heart charm dangling from the center.

She rushed up to Falco and attempted to grab the tape recorder from his hand, but the bird lifted his arm up high, making the tape recorder out of reach.

Being short for someone her age, the lupine let out an irritated growl, as she strained to reach the device, ignoring the quiet snickers from the other two. That's when she heard a sound she wished had never entered her ears.

"Ohmygod, this is so cool! I'm like actually in a Starfox thingy!" cried a young vixen.

Her fur was a mahogany hue with a white streak that started at the chin and went all the way down past her stomach. White tipped her tail as well. She had blurry green eyes that scanned everything curiously. Black hair reached just below the neck; a crimson bandana covered the top of her head with the exception of her brown tipped ears that twitched with activity as they picked up the different sounds coming from the ship; a gold ring pierced through one of them. She was clad in a dark red, spaghetti-strap tank top with black Capri pants and floppy, black leather boots that stopped and folded over a little ways above the ankle.

The wolf withdrew her attention from Falco and the tape recorder to the vulpine. She quickly scurried up to her.

"Lilix, how on earth did you get here?" she asked, almost afraid to as she cringed.

Lilix took in a deep breath. "IsneakedintoyourroomtostealyourPS2andIfoundyourportalthingyandIwaslikeohmygodaportalthingy! soItouchedit'causeitlookedcoolandhereIam!" she said at the speed of light. Lilix was the only person on the face of the earth that the wolf knew of that was able to jam an entire phrase of dialogue into a single sentence. Hyper was too light a word to describe her at times.

The three men stared at Lilix with gaping mouths, wide eyes, and heads cocked to the side.

"She's giving Slippy a run for his money." Falco said finally.

Fox nodded silently, mouth still gaped open. He stole a glance at Krystal who was still reading her book. How could she still be reading with all of this going on?

"Krystal, are you even paying attention to what's going on around you?" he asked her.

The cerulean vixen gave no response, her eyes still scanning her book.

Fox gave her a perturbed look.

"Helloooo, Krystal?" he waved a hand in front of her face.

Her nose visibly twitched as she blinked surprised, looking up at Fox curiously as she pulled out an ear plug.

"Yes, Fox?" she inquired innocently.

The vulpine sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Why are you wearing ear plugs?" he asked.

"So I could read."

"Why didn't you just go somewhere quieter?"

"Well, everyone was in here; I didn't want to be left out."

Fox nodded at this, not bothering to question her logic for fear of another strange answer.

"HeyFalcoadistraction!" Shadow shouted pointing behind him.

Sadly, the avian was dumb enough to actually look, and the wolf swiped the tape recorder from his hand.

"Ha! Sucker! Now that I have my tape recorder, I shall disappear into my shroud of mystery!" she shouted triumphantly, although it was a ridiculous site for it to be coming out of the mouth of a Trekkie who writes Starfox fanfictions.

The lupine dragon quickly threw down a lit smoke bomb, once again appearing spontaneously, which was actually a cheap, buy one get one free deal from the only roadside fireworks stand that still sold fireworks well into October. Yellow smoke poured from the yellow pastel globe as Shadow ran in a random direction, unfortunately that headed right into the smoke and she happened to inhale by accident. She was sent into a fit of coughs. The smoke filled the room quickly and everyone was soon coughing and hacking on the yellow smoke.

"I can't breathe! I have asthma!" Shadow wheezed.

"Someone get this smoke out of here!" Krystal hacked.

"ROB, initiate the filters in the rec. center!" Fox coughed into his wrist comm.

ROB made no reply, but soon enough, the smoke began to dissipate and everyone's breathing began to turn to normal.

Shadow had suffered an asthma attack and now lay passed out on the floor.

"Oh my god, Shadow's down!" Slippy cried, "She needs CPR!"

The toad knelt down next to her and bent over to give the wolf a rescue breath, completely and utterly ignoring the fact that you didn't give those until after you checked the victim.

Shadow's eyes shot open at the feeling of someone's lips touching hers and she immediately panicked when she saw who it was. The wolf shoved him off of her forcefully with a scream of being completely grossed out.

"He touched me! The gay frog touched me!!!!" she cried. Her eyes went wide as did everyone else's. "Did I just say that out loud?" she asked in a lower tone.

They all nodded.

"Well then, I'm just going to…" she began uneasily, "bye!" she yipped scampering off through a door and closing it behind her.

"Stupid wolf, that's the closet! Sheesh…" Falco muttered rubbing his forehead.

* * *

**Author's note:** Well, that's it for now, but don't worry! There's plenty more to come! There wasn't as much fall-off-your-chair-laughing comedy as I would have liked, but they'll get funnier; I promise. Until then, why not slip me a review? Couldn't hurt, huh huh? Just to clear things up, yes, I really am a Trekkie. I grew up on Star Trek, and I love every part of that show! 


	2. Chapter 2

New Arrivals

By this time, everyone had calmed down to some extent. Shadow was gone, convinced she had made a cunning escape regardless of the fact she was now locked, which was Falco's ingenious idea, inside the same stuffy closet. Lilix was busy at serious work.

"Oh, come on, why not?" she whined.

"For the last time, no I'm not doing it." Falco muttered.

"It's not going to kill you to broaden your horizons just a _little_ bit."

"It's just plain wrong."

"It's just the two of us. I won't tell anyone."

"I'm sorry, but there's not a chance you're going to catch me playing as Zelda in Super Smash Bros. I blatantly refuse to do it!" the avian squawked defiantly.

Lilix pouted. "I don't see what the big deal is. It's just Zel-

Falco was tired of going through the same discussion over and over again. Luckily for him, he had a solution to this predicament he had recently discovered. He pulled out a miniature laser light from his pocket and pressed the button to produce a beam. He quickly flashed it on the wall by the television and watched with a satisfied smirk as she became captivated by the red dot on the wall.

"There it is again!" she shouted as she pounced at the wall excitedly, slamming her forehead against the space where the laser used to be. The bird had quickly darted it just above her head.

He watched her paw at it as he moved it in random directions on the wall. That was when Slippy came back in. Now holding a small bowl of generic cheese puffs, the poor amphibian had no chance of survival now. Falco, who had become extremely engrossed in his entertainment, shined the laser over in Slippy's direction; it stopped dead on his chest. It was then that the ace pilot came to realize the irreversible doom he had just sentenced his fellow teammate to as the young vulpine whipped around, her left eye twitching psychotically as she spotted the red light that was now a sniper laser to the toad caught in its path.

Slippy watched in sheer horror as Lilix lunged at him, particularly at the somehow tempting red spot pointing at him. Everything seemed to slow dramatically, and he was sure that for a brief moment she resembled the devil with a terrifying obsession laughing maniacally at him in her eyes, determined to catch the laser beam. Frozen in fear, he was tackled to the ground forcefully.

"What the—hey, get off!" he yipped, which would be possible if toads were able to yip to begin with, fearfully.

"Gimmeshiny!" she screamed incoherently in response as she grabbed him by the neck and banged his head on the floor countless times.

"I don't have shiny!" he yelled back in between slams and bangs, "Have a cheese puff!" he desperately threw a puff a small distance as it landed behind her with a small thump.

The vulpine looked up and behind her from her head-banging and spotted the junk food. She suddenly forgot about her precious laser light, "shiny", and was now focused on the cheese puff.

"Cheese puff!" she barked jubilantly, pouncing playfully off of the amphibian and landing beside her prize.

Lilix grabbed the puffy morsel in her fingers and indulged in its cheesy goodness as she stuffed it in her face rather savagely, munching on it loudly with a satisfied, orange grin.

Slippy sighed with relief and cautiously slid what was left in the bowl next to her for an extra measure of safety. He quickly scampered away from her and let her feast. The toad sent a death glare towards Falco that sent chills down the falcon's spine. Having a macho, cocky demeanor, he refused to show it, of course, and played it cool.

"You're no fun, Slip, forget this; I'm going to my quarters." He said before rising from the couch and walking to the door.

As it slid open for him he stopped dead in his tracks. Someone was blocking his way.

He was a wolf as black as a raven with a white face, save for a black streak going down the top of his snout, and a white tip on his tail. He wore a camouflage jacket loosely over a white t-shirt with dark blue jeans and black sneakers. He stared at Falco with ice blue eyes.

"Can I help you, kid?" the avian asked in bored tones.

"Where is she?" he growled.

Falco raised an eyebrow. "Where is who?"

The wolf glared at him. "No, Shadow."

"What?"

"I don't know who Who or What are, and I don't really care. I need to find Shadow; that's it."

Falco, now completely perplexed simply stepped out of his way and let him walk in.

A slightly smaller wolf followed behind him. His fur was black as well and in the same style as his companion, only white was replaced with storm gray, and his eyes were a strange crimson hue. He wore a brown t-shirt with faded blue jeans and navy blue, white-striped sneakers.

The blue falcon stopped him.

"Hang on, where did you come from?" he asked.

"I'm with him." He pointed to the lupine talking to Lilix, who was still enjoying her cheese puffs as she watched him warily as if she were protecting her snack.

"So, it's our ship. We've got enough problems already; what makes you think we'll let you stay?" he asked demandingly.

His crimson eyes blinked for a moment vacantly. Suddenly, as if something in his head had re-connected, he pulled out a Wii remote from his pocket and showed it to the avian, who beamed and nearly drooled at the site.

"Good enough, you're in." he said quickly, pulling him inside.

* * *

The taller wolf walked towards the closet and unlocked the door and peered in.

"You in here, Shadow?" he asked rhetorically. It wasn't like she went anywhere while she was in there.

It was dark, but he could make the out the white wolf huddled in a corner staring at him blankly. Her muzzle twitched at seeing him.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked.

"Shhh, I'm escaping!" she shushed him in a loud whisper.

"You're not doing a very good job; you're in a closet." he whispered back.

"But it's a dark, mysterious closet!" she interjected still at a whisper.

The older wolf blinked confused. "What does that have to do with escaping?"

"Why are we whispering?"

He shook his head. "You know what, never mind. I've got more important things to discuss." He said at a normal tone.

Shadow crept out of the closet. "So then, what's up, Slayer?" she asked finally as she brushed herself off.

"Don't 'what's up' me. You left me with Raid. You didn't tell me he was as psychotic as we are!" Slayer whined pointing to the black and gray wolf.

"He couldn't have been that bad. What happened?"

"What happened? What happened!? For two hours, I was stuck with him in a paintball arena, and he knows nothing of the game, I swear! I hit him with one paintball and suddenly I'm getting chased by some psycho kid, who's threatening me with a machine gun. A machine gun! Where does he get these things!?" he yelled out, huffing at the end with a wild look in his eyes.

Shadow raised an eyebrow and slowly scooted away from him a few feet. "Whoa, calm down there, bud."

"I suppose so. Just don't leave me with him again, at least not with a gun." He muttered.

The two walked over to Lilix, who was now scooping cheese puffs off the carpet and partaking of them happily.

* * *

Krystal came back in with a new book, titled Blue or Purple? How to Find Out Your Actual Fur Color. She noticed the younger fox and looked to her two teammates with a questioning look.

Falco shrugged his shoulders dumbly, more interested in the Wii than explaining the earlier chaos. Slippy, who was now sitting on the couch watching the two play, sighed and shook his head as if to say "don't ask".

Krystal stood there for a moment perplexed, staring at the two for a moment. She finally shrugged her shoulders and sat on the recliner to read her new book.

It was nice and quiet for a time until Fox returned, after being assured by ROB who knows how many times that all the smoke from earlier had been fully ventilated out of the ship, to the recreation center. He stopped at seeing the new game system.

"When did we get a Wii!?" he asked surprised.

"It's this kid's." Falco answered pointing to Raid as they started up a game of Wii Sports.

"Nice, I need to try that out later. Hey cool, cheese puff!" he said happily as he found the bowl Lilix had left for the morsels on the floor. There was one left inside.

Not realizing the importance of the cheesy snack food, he proceeded to take it out of the bowl and plop it in his mouth. The minute his sharp teeth clamped down and emitted a crunch, the young vixen whipped around almost instantly, a fiery rage now burning in her eyes. She growled and snarled viciously at him, angered that he had the audacity to eat her precious cheese puff.

Fox began to get a bad feeling about this and backed up a few steps.

"You alright there?" he asked nervously.

"Run, Fox, run! Run like you've never run before!" yelled Shadow, who had witnessed this and knew full well what usually happened.

Lilix stood up slowly and faced him, taking slow, small steps towards him; a glare pierced his eyes and burned his stomach.

Fox finally ran and barely had time to hear her angry roar as he high-tailed into the corridor.

"That was my cheese puff!" she screamed as she ran after him.

The others watched as she ran out crazed.

"Should we be worried?" Falco finally asked.

Shadow sighed. "No, but I'm going to need help to calm her down again." She said in bored tones like she had seen and done this too many times to count.

"I'm in!" Raid raised his hand jumping up and down giddily like a five year old.

Slayer nodded to her in agreement. Falco let out an irritated sigh and raised his wing.

"Alright, that'll be good enough. Brace yourselves, people. We're going in!" she said triumphantly, once again looking ridiculous in saying it.

With that, she walked through the door, unaware of the chaos to ensue.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I should probably note that no, I'm not an idiot. I know that Krystal's fur color is blue, but in the Starfox Assault strategy guide, they made her purple, so that's what's going on with the book title. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. I'm trying to expand my horizons and try a comedy. Let's just hope I get better at it. Don't forget to review! 


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